| we quote eachother only when were wrong |
[17 Dec 2008|06:19pm] |
I am sitting at Lincoln Land waiting for Josh to get out of his final and I am really bored and have not updated this thing in quite some time.
The past few months have been life changing for me seeing as I moved away to college, maintained a long distance relationship and had my brother pass away all in like three months.
I'm glad I don't really hate anyone anymore even though lots of people hate me probably because of who I am dating and that's dumb. I dont know I lost a lot of friends since last summer to the summer of '08, it's been a reaally good year though and I haven't ever been so happy with myself. I made the deans list at school and I still want to be a doctor even though all my classes are so hard, I have a really great boyfriend who treats me well and makes me laugh and loves me, and I think I have become a better person since then.
I've lost so many people from the start of highschool till now in a literal way, like they have died and it makes me sad that I am numb to all of this. I didn't cry at Stanley's funeral, I just sat there. However, I miss him everyday and I always will. People seem to take me at face value for being a bitch or being emotionless or being really insecure. I have feelings though and I have lots of problems. I always have a fear of impending danger. Josh is really trying to help me though and for that I am thankful. I just wish people tried to talk to me and get to know me instead of judging me based on what they hear. I can honestly say now I don't cuss, I don't really talk about people, I stopped doing drugs, I'm at least trying to be a better person. I hope people can find solace in that I suppose. I still do my fare share of drinking but I don't let it effect what I want to do in life and that's save other peoples lives. It's my uncles birthday today, he died last september.
I pretty much only wrote this when I read Nan's entry because I can only really cry if the pain happens to someone else, I can only vicariously feel through other's experiences. When something bad happens to me I bury it with a fake smile and I can't feel real emotion.
Josh is here now, so I have to go.
but it was nice being real for 5 minutes, if only on the computer.
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| she's a lot like you, the dangerous type |
[20 Jun 2008|04:34am] |
i got way too drunk tonight and josh took care of me.
however, it's my birthday and i'm in love and intoxicated.
no matter how long either lasts i do not care.
im going to eat steak n shake chilli to sober me up.
then bed,
then ihop with fam and josh
then presents
then pao with friends and josh. holllllaaaaa
*hicccuppsss*
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[21 Jan 2008|10:34pm] |
happy describes me.
and its soooo awesome.
champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends...
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| love is a cold and broken hallelujah |
[13 Jan 2008|11:18pm] |
| [ |
music |
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walk on the ocean - oc soundtrack |
] |
i really like that song.
im pretty excited to be way blonder tuesday.
my senior quote is "lets hug it out"
i really want to go to georgetown med school.
why do i always plan things out years in advance??
well i guess 4 years isnt that long.
make it or break it.
i need a tan. like a lot.
god people are immature.
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| hollaaaa |
[16 Dec 2007|08:42pm] |
i am living in the sweeeeetest apartment thing next year. ucc housing. its totally like a hotel. and ive been drunk... all day. it makes up for the void that (blank) leaves in my leave every other week.
i quit best buy. suckers and now im on a crusade to get a job at starbucks!!!!!
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[08 Nov 2007|10:44pm] |
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im finally like really happy. so i hope it doesnt fuck up. except im grounded from my car because i am incapable of driving,
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| i get wet without even trying |
[23 Oct 2007|03:11pm] |
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i really love andrew wk and his CD i bought when i was 12.
anyway.
i declared my major.
awesome.
pre-med.
anesthesiologist..4 years of college..4years of medschool for my pHD. 4+ years of specialty school. im pumped...lots of chem/bio/physics/calc/biochem. my favorite!!!
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| let's hug it out, bitch |
[28 Aug 2007|07:06pm] |
some people are really selfish and awful.
goooo buy a conscience... please.
entourage is cool.
and box dye is awful people. seriosuly ew
heh heh.. heh
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[16 Jul 2007|09:56pm] |
some people are really selfish.
those people mostly try to justify their actions to make you feel bad, dont fall for it
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| note to self, i dont miss you at all |
[14 Jul 2007|03:44am] |
yah so like five days after me and my boyfriend of 1.5 yrs breaks up he's fucking the girl he cheated on me with. whatever, she has herpes.
i just cant believe i was lied to for so long.
being in a relationship with evan was horrible. he was such an insensitive asshole.
i realllyyyy like someone else, and i hope he likes me.
i got schwasted last night and it was awesome.
and me and morgan took vicodin and watched antm and law and order, it was fabulous.
i also got my cocaine (the energy drink) in the mail holllaaa.
im so content with life.
i want to get one person out of it though, she's poison just like all her new friends.
ooooh amanda i like your hooide, i lovee you
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[06 Jul 2007|10:52pm] |
hmmm me and evan broke up.
i feel lost.
so that "someone" needs to come find me.
i hope he knows who he is
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[14 Jun 2007|06:35pm] |
PEOPLE ARE FUCKING REDICULOUS.
no one thinks being cheated on HURTS that I CAN GET OVER IT. i cant i havent and you can go FUCKYOURSELF.
im done.. im doonnneee
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| rip |
[22 Feb 2007|03:16pm] |
rest in peace justin.
yer still missed. you will always be missed. untill we all meet you again someday :)
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[18 Jun 2006|05:20pm] |
hello summer.
today was my last day of school.
yesterday was 2 months of wonderfullll annnd.
im going shopping now, with maddy<3
ps. im realllllyyy tan
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| duuude |
[14 Apr 2006|11:39am] |
TOM IS A PUNK ASS BITCH
re add me on myspace...
leave me comments..
im going to be sad
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| high energy energy energy plan |
[10 Apr 2006|04:32pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 chipper |
] |
| [ |
music |
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999 |
] |
haha.
jen the mexican is dumb
funny how emily hannley is saying omgz i had to put up with their shit, when it was the other way around.
blah
anyway it's 20 days till maddys birthday and i have a wonderful boyfriend who makes me snow cones and lets me watch miami ink for three hours straight and lets me nap on him.
im bleaching my hair completely this summer, haha.
i know, it'll be hot, and if it's not there will be a box of black dye right next to it.
whyyyyy do bitches suck, like seriously??
i hate school.
3 days till break, nigga.
and i willll be drinking.
why does she keep calling him. HE DOESNT WANT TO TALK TO YOUUUU.
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| yeah i'm super clean rock jeans with a white tee |
[05 Apr 2006|11:54pm] |
d wilson is a punk ass bitch
i guess i'll have to get another purse because you have my purse.
ugh i hate when bitches do that, cause im sure you've seen it. oh well.
my eyebrows have been permanently dyed like black or something i should stop penciling them in with black eyeliner.
did i mention, it was an ugly color you have?
i hate school.
i have to go to champaign and visit my sister, u of i's campus sucks.
i hope Ty gets accepted as a transfer student even though they aren't accepting like anyone because that have 1/2 the slots, which is why i'm not applying at all even though they keep sending me stuff, thanks kelly.
i'm happy with everything, except for the drama which caused from what is making me happy.
dumb school made me miss the show I was supposed to go to with jerry, sarah, and evan.
ahh.
i text message in my sleep.
i wish people would take me off their friends list when i've taken them off mine. like i dont want to read yer updates, why do you want to read mine??
maddy its yer burfday in 25 days.
did you get my text about the above? yah hers is uglier i know.
wellll im going to text message my "boo" HAH.
ps. is cutting yerself the new scene thing to do??? okay jw
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| pimp them sluts, break them hoes. |
[03 Apr 2006|09:05pm] |
tequila makes me pukey.
uggghhhh.
bowling was fun, if we didn't get followed.
im glad you kicked everyone out of yer party because yer afraid of me and maddy.
hahahaha.
whatev.
tornados always come, only when flavor or love is on.
my dad is lame.
why was amanda fields bf calling me asking for her, i dunno apparently she was talking about me and maddy or something even though she was nice to me the weekend beforeeeee.
im really not sober.
my dads a douche
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agora_phobica's journal
annoyed